August 2010
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I Like
Queen
delicous soy products
The Unicorns
Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and the broodwich
Lucian Freud
Roma
Alexander Mcqueen
inexplicable crushes
Derek Kim
Dangerdoom
Whales
Steve Carrell
Azns
p-owning n00bs
A Silver Mt. Zion


 take from me 
what i can only give to you
take my conciousness
it would be wasted without you
on things that have meaning
take my comfort
it doesnt excist


 sweet pain
won't you stay near?
lay next to me 
consume this reality of mine
take my dreams 
and put them on repeat
 bury yourself in my spine
bring me nothing less
than what i know to expect.


 the coil in my brain never lets me rest
only rehash continual dead end streets
the coil in my brain 
casts dark shadows in brightly lit rooms
the coil in my brain loves nothing 
the impossible cast it sculpts 
bronzed yet hollow
is a floating false idol
while my body
stumbles in exhile
haunted by ghosts.
perpetual,gnawing, suffocating
my minds coil
is my heaviest chain


imfallingforyou so dothesame for me too :)


This asshole tripped me less than 50 feet away from my building and tried to take my stuff. I'm aight this is my first confrontation basically ever in the city which is very very suprising.

Anyway I finally finished the painting i've been working on for over a month because i'm a lazy fool . go look at it it only takes like 10 seconds.
Tomorrow me and miranda are gunna go to the underpass at islais creek and take pictures...i hope we're safe.

In Human sexuality we watched a movie about the female reproductive system, it was really beautiful, a pregnant woman's amniotic fluid has the same concentration of salt in it as the ocean does. the brushing of fallopian tubes even looked like some slow moving graceful sea plant. 

To summerize everything that is made private lately; I've had a fuck buddy with a really nice penis and great eyes for two weeks now, i hate school, i like like brando he loves neon even more than i do, i've skinned my knees in the same place about 4 times now, i have second degree burns on my left arm, and i feel more and more like holden caulfield everyday.


good weekend, just confirmered everything i knew i needed to start doing and attitude to be had.
please lord, blesseth my effort to outreach through incredible sex thanks again i'll be nicer to my parents, oh please do let the vacation gods be friendly so they can go to mexico again soon. aaamen.

ruff draft?

indeliberately she asked me too many questions,but she didnt say any of them outloud

i thought maybe i'd seen her somewhere, some mast on shipbeam growing out of wood maybe... or maybe it was just another time i'd spun some other dreamers tale out of seaweed rotting with gnats

a dream, neon, love, cigarettes, eternal, cars, hope, fuck, magic, radio, ancient, numb, memory, steak.

i hope she didnt get the wrong impression of me, she had this look her eyes like she was just getting used to being snubbed, stumbling around a but after the fall off of a spin on the carousoul

i buried my hands into her, sucked me in like quicksand, let her stained fingernails run through my hair, breathing in only to find myself come again to stagnant water. drip, drip, drip, each sigh made a ripple, each smile tried to die down the waves, each time i closed my eyes her face was more my own, changing, brightening up with sheer vivid warmth, so i held her closer, don't leave, not now, i opended them though only to find cold solid marble and hankering for something sharp.

bablyonia, shoes, cells, battery, god, goddamn it we're out of milk.

she left me with a crease in my forehead and a bittersweet taste in my mouth, i had to give her credit though for being part of the erosin

it left me nothing but a jagged face for some child to skip across the pond.


when i dont feel like myself, or i dont understand what self even is i try to calm myself with a drawing remind myself of where i came from, of volta magic that has somehow shaped the mightiest most equaisite thoughts that have swirled through my brain. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. either way doing, being, working, making, dancing, faking, everybody does it yeah?


i need to surround myself with more beautiful things so i can make more beautiful things. i also need to integrate my life into the city, i think once i get my biked revamped it'll be alot easier and i wont look like such a jackass once i do. gotta get back to just goodness mysticism dank new encounters and saving moneys for a car for exploring or a house for living.

i lost fiona's copy of fear and loathing shhhhhhh.

last night/this morning

pros

- the walk from fruitvale bart was kind of beautiful
- booze in my body
- dancing to actually good music
- lookin cute
- macking/getting macked on
- pretty damn nice makin out
- toplessness
- the nice people i met were extremely chill and nice

cons

- brando didnt come :(
- julia didnt come :(
- booze in Amanda's body which gave her alcohol poisening
- losing track of what Amanda was doing and not really being able to help her out while she was literally passed out in a chair puking on herself
- not being able to get to the car on time with everyone else to get her to the hospital
- spending 3 hours in the hospital
- i wanst really hella into the guy i made out with (this is the 2nd day in a row this has happended mind you)
- feeling incredibly guilty because while my friend is vomiting all over herself, as i was getting topless
- feeling super incredibly stupid for making it a point in my night of telling Nasser to stop being hella awkward cuz its ~cool n shit~~~~ no, no, if i cared about as much as i did about it last night it most certainly is not
- feeling kind of slutty iunno
- feeling kind of like i might be no better than half the people at that party
- realizing that i atually really miss the comfort of being with someone that really truly truly cares
Music: the book i read

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